Last month I wrote a series of blog posts titled "Let's talk about Sex". They were inspired by a desire that I've had for quite some time to write a book that explores the questions and issues that revolve around Christian dating and sexuality. Well I've begun the long painful process of writing a book and I'd like to share my initial ideas with you all to see what you think. This is obviously not ready to be published but I think its pretty good. I'd love to hear some feedback.
I was in my sophomore year at Southwestern Bible College in Phoenix Arizona. More recently the college has come to be known as Arizona Christian University. It’s grown and changed a lot in the few short years since I’ve been there but in many ways it has stayed the same.
That year I was part of student leadership and held the highly esteemed title of Resident Assistant or RA. Most students hated RA’s. RA’s were basically morality police. It was our job to make sure that students obeyed curfew, didn’t drink, smoke or have sex, and as the king in the famous play The King and I would say, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. There was a whole handbook of rules that were enforced by RA’s. It was our job to enforce a strict dress code as well as a policy that students must clean their room once a week. I however didn’t take my job as seriously as several of my peers and became known as the cool RA. I think I gave a total of 5 write ups all year. A write up was a little pink slip that served as a warning. I can’t remember how many write ups a person could get before they had to meet with the dean of students but my fellow RA’s handed out enough to make up for my laziness.
If I remember correctly it was about October. I had a midterm the next day and had just gotten back in to town from a family vacation. I was stressed and unprepared but I had made plans to study with a friend that night so I figured I’d be alright. For whatever reason our study session didn’t end up happening on time and because of a college wide curfew policy I was not going to get a chance to study unless I went rogue and broke a few rules.
Ashley, the friend I planned to study with, offered to go to Denny’s with me look over her study guide. It was about 11:45 and with curfew at 12 we had no intention to be back on time. In the moment we both thought, “no big deal”. We would each probably get a write up, and I’d pass my test and everything would be okay. It was worth the sacrifice.
Unfortunately that’s not how it worked out. On our way through the parking lot we ran in to another RA. He said, “Hey” and asked what we were up to. I told him that we needed to study for a test and that we were on our way to Denny’s. I was stressed, impatient and not in the mood for condescension. In a very “holier-than-thou” way he reminded me that there was no way that we’d make it back in time for curfew and I flippantly told him that I didn’t care. In hindsight that wasn’t my best move but in my defense, curfew is stupid and I needed to study. I wasn’t going out boozing or joyriding. I was studying. I was studying the Bible!
The next day, it all started. We had stayed out maybe a half hour past curfew but the RA that had stopped us in the parking lot had gone straight to the Dean of Students and told him of our blatant disregard for the rules. Ashley’s roommate had gone to the dean of women when Ashley didn’t make it back by curfew because she was worried, but the entire week following our Denny’s incident was filled with uncomfortable meetings about how dangerous it is for a young man and young woman to be out alone so late at night.
Let me remind you that we were in a public restaurant within walking distance from campus and it wasn’t even a romantic restaurant. Seriously what’s going to happen at Denny’s?
We had multiple conversations with various leaders at the school that were horribly uncomfortable and demeaning in the moment but are extremely comical and ridiculous in hindsight. It was infuriating at the time but it has become a fond memory for both of us and we still joke to this day about our Study Session at Denny’s.
The administration treated the whole situation as though we had been caught having sex in public so we began to joke about Denny’s being a romantic restaurant. We started saying things like, “Be careful! If you go to Denny’s after midnight, you will get pregnant.” The whole thing became completely absurd.
Several months later a group of us were out at Denny’s for dinner talking about life and joking about makin’ babies at Denny’s. We started talking about relationships and dating and boundaries within dating and I remember telling everybody that one day, when I had it all figured out, I was going to write a book about all of it. When they asked me what I was going to title the book I looked down at my menu as I thought and it hit me. With pride in my heart and a gleam in my eye, I looked up from my menu and proudly announced the title of my book. “Bacon and Eggs at Denny’s”
That was late in 2007, almost 6 years ago as I write and though I’ve grown considerably and experience a great deal more than I had then, I still have very few answers when it comes to the topics of sex and dating. What I have gained in the recent past, are questions that I think will help guide you on a journey to find your own answers.
This book is intended to be the beginning of the discussion, not the end. It’s going to be very conversational and laid back. So come on in and grab a booth. Order some coffee and some apple pie a-la-mode, and join me in my quest to discover God’s plan for sex, dating, and everything in between.