"I want to suffer"

As I was preparing my lesson for youth group this week I was really moved by the section of Mark that I was preparing. In Mark 2:17 Jesus tells us that those who are healthy do not need a doctor but those who are sick do. He then explains that he came, not to call the righteous, but the sinners.

This statement from Christ hit me in two different ways. First, I personally identify with the outcasts of society, if only a little. Being a Christian my whole life, there have been times when I become painfully aware that I am not part of the rest of society. I never went to a high school party; I’ve never smoked, chewed, or randomly fooled around with someone I barely knew and because of that I don’t fit in. There have been times where I’ve been proud of my innocence and times that I’ve been ashamed. There have been times where I’ve been made fun of for being a prude or a Bible thumper and I’ve honestly lost people that I thought were friends because of what I believed about God. It brings me comfort to know that Jesus came for those that don’t fit in, that his heart was for the "least of these".

The second way that this passage hit me is seeing Jesus passion as a physician for the sick. As I read through William Barclay’s commentary on the book of Mark, the thought of Jesus as a physician really moved me. Jesus came to the poor and broken. He lived his life on the edge for the outcasts of society and he intentionally pissed off the Pharisees (Mark 2:6-12) so that they would kill him so that he could give his life for the outsider.

I’m reminded of a friend of mine who was going through Bible College around the same time that I was and I remember a conversation where he looked me in the eye and said, “Andrew, I want to suffer”. I’ll never forget it because it struck me right between the eyes. My concept of the American dream was challenged and found wanting. He explained that he wanted to live his life in a country where he had to pray in order to survive every day. He wanted to reach those that the evangelical world had written off and actually hated. He wanted to spend nights on the streets in dangerous parts of town getting robed by men armed with scissor blades in order to reach “the least of these” with the gospel.

My friend’s passion for the “sick” mirrored Jesus passion identically. Christ’s goal was to suffer. He came to the earth in order to die and reconcile the world to the father. He looked down at a fallen world and said “I want to suffer for them”. As a pastor, living in America, where my faith isn’t challenged on a day to day basis it’s easy to become complacent and comfortable. It’s also easy to get relaxed inside my own little group of friends and my youth group. But Christ calls us to reach out to the lost and the broken, the outcast of society. As Christians we need to remember not to get comfortable like the Pharisees in Mark 2 and ostracize the rest of the world from us. We need to remember that Christ came to seek and save the lost and he commissioned us to do the same. It’s time to step outside our comfort zones and reach out to a dying world.

Fatherhood is...

It's been a while since I've written anything and it's not because nothing worthwhile has happened either. I'm a proud new father of a baby girl and in the months leading up to the big day there was a ton of things flooding my mind regarding fatherhood. As soon as she was born it was like my brain fell out of the back of my head. I know all the long time parents reading this just cocked their heads to the side and their now doing the knowing nod and smile. All the Junior High students reading just had an epiphany and are thinking, "that same thing must have happened to my dad". I know I don’t have a whole lot of fatherhood experience but here’s what I’ve learned so far.

Fatherhood is like a mental black hole. I've sat down numerous times to try and blog about the experience and... nothing. It's not that my heart isn't full of love for my baby girl, ‘cause it is. It's not that I don't feel or think anything worthy of blogging about her, because I do... I just can't find the words. I'm speechless. She's 3 weeks old today and I'm finally catching my breath and my thoughts are finally starting to form at least partial sentences in my brain. I still feel almost like life just restarted and everything that I knew I have to learn all over again.

Fatherhood is a new level of… everything. It hasn’t been as overwhelming as I suspected or in the ways that I expected but then again, I’m a fairly laid back guy and don't stress out very often. I have had a couple moments with just me and Zoe where I've gotten lost in the moment and shed some tears but I definitely expected more waterworks. I couldn't even get through the vows at my wedding without balling and expected much of the same in the delivery room but it never happened. Fatherhood is a new emotion. I’m not sure what to call it. It’s also a whole new level of tired, (there’s the knowing nod and smile from veteran parents thinking “you have no idea”) and a vastly different intellectual journey than any I have ever been on.

Fatherhood is weird. The only word coming to my mind is weird. I mean it's awesome, and emotionally incredible, and I'm blown away at how this little 8 pound, helpless, baby can just melt my heart. But it's still weird. I wish I could verbalize it for you better but I can't. I now empathize more with that "you'll understand when you’re a parent" phrase that I have always hated. It’s something that I think you probably have to experience in order to understand.

Fatherhood is… well an experience that has definitely changed my life.